Sunday 24 February 2013


I have talked about it a lot. To the point where most of you are thinking, “Dear God you stupid bitch, shut the fuck up about it.” But I just kept talking. Why? Because I believed in it, that’s why, because it was a fantastic concept, because it was unique and original and full of promise.


            Today I learnt that The Ochre Grill is closing.

            A Moment of Silence Bitches.

            Please don’t mock and please don’t roll your eyes. There are VERY few places that a FAMILY with a Celiac mom can eat at. And DON’T remind me of all those lovely small dark, eclectic places on 17th ave that I can eat at. I say a resounding fuck you. You have no interest in having my children waiting for 40 min for a table outside any more than I do. We suburban moms don’t pay for parking when we have spawn with us. Why? Because it’s a waste of fucking money that’s why. It is a waste of money for me to drag my kids on a 45 min drive to have them wait 30 min for a table and then sit and try to occupy them while I negotiate a gluten “friendly” menu that looks more like an list of designer perfumes or wallpaper than freaking food, then try to get them something they will EAT that is both beige and shitty enough and yet drink enough wine to make it all worthwhile.  Don’t get me wrong, I love to put on a pair of heels, head down town and sit indulgently sipping wine and eating deliciously expensive Gluten Free food. I’m just not doing it with two children.

            Mommy needs two hands and no stories about science class to drink her twelve dollar glass of wine. 

            The Ochre Grill provided us with a comfortable environment for families, great service and an extensive Gluten Free Menu made with fresh good food that even my kids enjoyed. We went at least once a week  for over a year and felt like a part of the family. I could just sit down and order anything I wanted and they all knew I had Celiacs and they all knew what my kids liked and they knew that almost everything out of Trev’s mouth was a joke.  Our Friday nights will never be the same.

 We were totally devastated last night to hear that it is closing and a place called “PizzaBerg” is coming in. I tried to e-mail “PizzaBerg” to ask about GF options and their email bounced it back. Ugh….

            With any luck the Ochre Team will open the same concept at a better location. When they do, I hope they let me know because I will be there with bells on.  

Until then, this ends our regularly scheduled program. *SOB*

Sunday 10 February 2013

Pamp up the Chef - Pamp it Up!

A friend of a friend contacted me and asked if I would host a home party for Pampered Chef. Usually, I am not a fan of the home party. Not that I am against a party. I actually love throwing parties at my house. I just usually find the home party facilitators to be overly pushing, overly giddy people that are under the impression that this is not only the first time I have had people at my house but that I may not live without whatever cream they want me to get free. I feel like they pressure my guests to spend a bunch of money which is the opposite of how I want people to feel at my home. My biggest compliment ever was from a friend who said, "I always feel so comfortable at your house." This does not gel with, 'give me all your money in exchange for a mop."
So I still agreed to have the pampered chef party and promptly sent Jill (that's my new best friend’s name) the list of can and cannot haves, instructions for how to cook gluten free and a specific detailed rundown of all things GF and I half expected her to throw up her hands at me and stomp away from my picky ways. She didn’t though. Let it be known that Jill Kolman doesn’t give up on Celiacs, and she can cook.

Jill talking in my kitchen

Jill has been a pampered chef consultant for a year but has been addicted to the products for five years. A mother of (brace yourself) four, she is also an accomplished Red Seal Chef and a hell of a kisser. She’s funny, and charming and completely un-snobby which you should know is one of my favorite qualities about another humanoid.

A pampered chef party in case you didn’t know, because I didn’t, is a home party where you pre-purchase the raw ingredients for several dishes and the representative comes to your house, uses buckets of wicked little gadgets and tools to make something in your kitchen. Let me repeat that, you have a party that someone MAKES THE FOOD FOR YOU with all these cool toys and you just sit and drink. No shit….mix the thrill that you get when you see a cool item being demonstrated at the home show, with wine, cheese and good friends. It was good good times.

She shows up at my house with literally baskets of stuff and she just moved right in. Being a Celiac has given me a creepy level of control freakishness about my kitchen. I don’t think anyone, other than my husband or I have ever cooked in my kitchen. Jill really gave me no option, she took over and pushed me out and that was that. My kitchen became her office and it was strangely refreshing.

She made us a pineapple salsa, a chocolate lava cake (in the microwave) and a raspberry fizz cocktail.

 Pineapple Salsa – off the chain wicked awesome. She used the Pampered Chef chopper and hand food processor and had this gorgeous fresh bright salsa within seconds. Very impressive. We gobbled it up and I put the left overs on my scrambled eggs the next morning. So delish!
Pineapple Salsa

Raspberry Fizz Cocktail – It was served in this neato pitcher that mixed up the contents for you. It was really tasty, even better for those of us who added buckets of Vodka to it.

Chocolate Lava Cake – Turned out fantastic. It had several hiccups on its journey to greatness though. The main problem was that I am an asshole and thought I had sour cream when in fact I did not, I had cottage cheese thus forcing my guests to dash to Sobeys to save the day. Thanks to Vicki and Ash for being wonder women. The second issue with the GF Choclate Lava cake (and I warned Jill of this) that GF baking is a wiley shitty bitch. GF baking is like the boyfriend who reads you love poems in private but when you go to a party to show him off he acts like he doesn’t know you and has never heard of Keats. Jill practiced this cake twice before coming to my house and it decided to be a pain in the ass and look like this. She and I had a therapeutic moment where we decided that the cake is not acting like this because we aren’t lovable but rather because it doesn’t have the emotional maturity to love itself. We ate the shit out of that cake  and it was delicious.
The delish chocolate lava cake that hated itself

Big gadget awards go to the push measuring cups, the scooping spatuals, the bamboo non pourous wooden spoons and the garlic press.
Gadgets of Fun

Crazy kick ass measuring cup

Quote of the night, “Keep pumping till it’s hard and then it will spray.”  Jill said this when discussing the oil sprayer and I loved the fact that we are all over thirty and still had to take a knee on that one we were laughing so hard.

Overall – I would highly recommend a Pampered Chef party to all Celiacs. Jill was great and embraced the GF crap with all her might. I was very impressed.

Me making salsa, Kendra laughing at me
You can find more information on Jill and her Pampered Chef business HERE.