Thursday, 29 December 2011

Lamb is Yummy!


Since being diagnosed, I have developed my own version of the hunter/gatherer complex. I used to just be content with a visit to Costco, a truck load of food and the account debited a mere mortgage payment. Now, though, it is simply not enough to hunt for the best deal or the largest bag of Cheetos ever made, I have to find the Gluten Free version of it. I feel my happiest when I have found something that is not only good for me but won’t kill me. The kids have basically run out of patience with this shit. I actually had to leave them in the car on my latest venture. If I had brought them in, they would have just acted shitty and then I would have had to threaten to kill them and look like an asshole mother. So there they sat in the parking lot, totally wrapped up in their hand held video games that Santa brought because really, what other item says the birth of baby Jesus but something with a stylus?  


I searched Urbanspoon for Gluten Free Friendly places and came up with a deli on Canyon Meadows called “Sofrittos”.



I have to say that it was pretty cool. The manager came out and walked me through all the items they had that were Gluten Free. He was dead honest with me that they make their own pasta in the same space that they make the gluten free stuff. He went through the steps they use to ensure that there is as little cross contamination as possible. They have a few types of GF crackers, most notably, The Kitchen Table Bakers Rosemary Parmesan Crisps. Which aren’t really crackers as much as baked circle of cheese AKA a party in my mouth. They also have lentil chips from Mediterranean Snacks. I got the Cucumber Dill flavor and they are going down pretty easily while I write this. They had chorizo and corn pasta too. They make their own homemade regular pasta and they looked so good that I had that crack addict style pang of yearning for a good old bowl of ravioli.



They make a bunch of Gluten Free sauces which will be great in a pinch to grab and bring home to make with my corn pasta. They also have ready made meals. I, being the laziest housewife in the western hemisphere, leapt on this opportunity. There was veal, and duck and beef and lamb. I chose the lamb for Trev and I for dinner. Please people keep your “its someone’s baby” crap to yourself. I get that I ate a baby sheep for dinner, I don’t care that it had feelings or a love of sunshine or liked it when someone read Dr Seuss to it. I care only that it was delicious. The lamb was tender and cooked perfectly and the sauce was delightful. Trev was additionally thrilled that he came home to something that looked like I gave a shit. Not that I give a shit, but it LOOKED like I did and I think that’s the trick.





This is what the meal looks like when you get it. All you do is boil it for 20 minutes. I steamed some broccoli and pulled off a June Cleaver-esque dinner. It was great and I will be back to Soffritto when I get slothful again, which, let’s be honest, will be soon. My hunter/gatherer need fulfilled, I shall unplug the spawn and force them to spend time with their lazy mom.


Monday, 26 December 2011

"Your buns could be on Fear Factor!"


The Gluten Free Christmas Extravaganza was a massive success. We had the open house on Christmas Eve. Everything on the table was gluten free. On the menu was; meatballs, pasta salad, broccoli salad, deviled eggs, veggie platter with dip, cheese platter and the chocolate fountain. The baking included; shortbread, banana bread, almond bark, crispy rice yummies and ginger cookies. For Christmas dinner we had of course the poultry, mash pots, sugar carrots, green beans almandine, stuffing and buns. For dessert we had chocolate pie.


Christmas Eve Food Table





The work started several days before. I made the baking early and spent every moment I could threatening my husband’s life so he would stop eating them Who has a ginger cookie for breakfast? I made the meatballs a couple days before too. On the 23rd I prepped all the platters, made the broccoli salad, the stuffing, the pie and the now infamous buns. I was most concerned about the pie at the time. I had used the Gluten Free Pantry pie crust mix. I have used it before with great success but for some reason this time it would not come together well and wasn’t behaving. It took Trev and I both to wrangle it into the pie pan. I baked it and became even more concerned when it came out of the oven. Part of the edges came apart immediately and shattered upon the floor.  More came off when I started to giggle about it.


Pie crust falling apart  


 I was fully prepared to toss it and try something else but Trev talked me into keeping it. I made the filling, said a prayer and tossed it in the fridge.  Much to my surprise, it turned out very well. The parts of the crust that were missing weren’t noticeable and the filling was great.

I was also very concerned about the stuffing. I used a mixture of the Gluten Free Girl recipe and Udi’s. I worried for nothing though because I have to say that it was one of the best stuffing’s I have ever had. It was moist and held together well and had great flavors.

Toasting the Udi's Bread for the Stuffing


 Fat Tom the Turkey was great and the veggies were good too. I used Maxwell’s Kitchen gravy mix and just added some drippings to it- couldn’t tell the difference. The thing that I was LEAST worried about was the buns. Number one, they are a minor part of the meal. Even though I used to LOVE those soft scissor buns, so gooey and wonderful, covered butter and dipped in gravy. Like an inmate who forgets what the sun feels like, the bread factor is diminishing to a faint glimmer in my mind. I also wasn’t concerned about the buns because I had a secret weapon - Gluten Free Bisquick.

The Buns BEFORE they went in the oven. I had fully expected this to be a bragging shot rather than an impeding doom shot.
 It’s wonderful, it’s delicious and it’s not available in Canada. I got this particular contraband from my friend Ashley who travelled to the states and came home with bags of Gluten Free goodness for me.  There are things in a regular Montana grocery store that aren’t’ obtainable at our most specialized health food stores. Getting these treats across the border turns me into a hoarder of the worst kind. I squirrel away the smuggled goods until I find an event of magnificent proportions that is worthy of it. I had exactly two cups of the precious powder left and was waiting to use them for the Baby Jesus’ Birthday.


When I baked the buns, they looked great.  I could only make 12 of them so I didn’t taste them when they came out of the oven and of course, we all know that I should have. When dinner came along, I pulled them out, heated them a little and popped them on the table. I was first to taste the buns and within the first second, I stood to try to sneak them off the table. No such luck.. Trev grabbed one and tried to take a bite. Then he directly challenged my brother to try to take a bite and chaos ensued. Have you ever seen or tried the Cinnamon Challenge? When some fool on You Tube tries to eat a tablespoon of Cinnamon? Google it, then you will get an idea as to what happened at my Christmas dinner. I would have been mad if it wasn’t so funny. They weren’t just dry, they were like powder that was being held together with white glue. The one bite I had completely shattered in my mouth and then glommed itself to the top of my mouth  It was a good twelve minutes before either one could talk again.  There they were, tears streaming down their faces, not breathing except for short gasps, little puffs of crumbs exploding from their mouths as they sniffed and chocked it down. My brother is trying to yell, “It’s like sand! Like sand! How? How did this happen to bread?” But you could barely understand what he was saying. The kids of course thought this was the best thing ever and were jumping up and down with glee watching daddy and uncle battle it out. We perfomed science experiments with the buns after dinner. We used colored water to prove that they really did suck all the moisture out of your mouth.

The beginning of the experiment.


Ten Seconds Later...... this is what the buns did to the inside of your mouth


My brother took the rest of them for his six grade class to perform more experiments on. I didn't want to know the details. The bun incident will go down as one of the funnier moments in the history of Christmas. So at the end of the day, my brother did laugh so hard that he fell off his chair but I still consider The GF Extravaganza a success.



I have been focusing a lot on the food but it’s not really about that. None if it ever is. We make a lot of stuff about food, too much. On Christmas Eve we had about fifty friends and family move through our home spreading love and joy. I cuddled babies and hugged toddlers, laughed with my dearest pals and celebrated a friend’s engagement.  Yesterday, Santa came, ate my gluten free cookies and left some sled marks on the lawn in the snow for the monkeys to find. He’s a genius that Santa. Then we sat around in our pajamas, went skating, went sledding, played an epic game of trouble and laughed a whole lot. The food is the background, the sideliner and should always be that way. Christmas certainly was an Extravaganza but not because of the food…..because of the people I surround myself with.



I will add the recipes to the side bar of the blog. Enjoy.

Sunday, 25 December 2011

Gotta keep it short and sweet here reader. More wine to drink and pictionary to win. The Gluten Free Christmas Extravaganza was a HUGE success. The major downfall being the buns. The description of "hockey puck" is too kind a term. I have a video of my brother and husband trying to eat them without drinking water. They are crying.....a true christmas miracle. I have recieved a lap top from my darling husband and plan to put many literary miles on it. Get ready for some new posts more often. I will give more story on the buns next time. Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and I really hope you have had as wonderful a day as I have. Will write soon.....promise.


PS The stupid fucking hamster picked last night to die. The kids tried to give a chew treat to a cold hard rodent first thing this morning. Stupid creature couldn't wait one more day.

Wednesday, 14 December 2011

The Gluten Free Christmas Extravaganza!

So tis a merry merry time of year don’t you think? You would disagree if you saw the melee at my son’s advent concert today. These women were behaving like Elvis had just crawled out of the cold hard ground and made his way to my spawns school to put on a concert. I kid you not. Mother’s were throwing elbows to get a shot of their kid singing ‘I Wanna Hippopotamus for Christmas’. My kid had been singing it all fucking week so I just gazed at the top of his head (which is all I could see) and revelled in the glory of the crazy around me. I video taped the whole thing for the husband. I really honed in on the weird kids, the ones who were six beats off, or trying to undo their pants. I am going to save these little video nuggets as my own sociology experiment. How will those kids turn out four, ten, twelve years from now? Is the kid who picked his nose through the whole performance going to become a physicists, a game show host or a homeless man? It’s a toss up and I find it all fascinating. Maybe I should have been watching my kid… whatever.

But really, it is a good time of year, especially for me because I am planning the “Gluten Free Christmas Extravaganza”. That’s right, I named it…in my own head anyway. Last year, the whole Celiac thing was so new that there was no way I could handle making GF for anyone other than me. Therefore, at my own party, there was food I could not eat. I claim this to be totally unacceptable. “Suck it Gluten,” I say, “This is MY Christmas and I am going to kick ass.” We are having our Annual Open House on Christmas Eve and I am hosting Christmas dinner. So it’s a lot of food for a lot of people. Cross your fingers.

Be prepared of course that this could go totally, horribly wrong and my brother will laugh so hard he will fall off his chair. It might go well though, who knows. I always figured that at some point on that fateful night, under the bright star, Joseph looked at Mary, shrugged and said, “This will have to do.” I think this is an attitude that we need to embrace more in our Christmases. The woman gave birth in a STABLE for pete’s sake, lets not be so picky about the colour of the napkins shall we? And it is that settling into a stable attitude that I have been owning this last year. Life is too short to fret about the exact shape of the cheese ball. Don't knock people over to get a shot of your kid singing at the Christmas Concert. Close your eyes, listen and I bet you twenty bucks you will be able to pick his voice out of the choir.

Celiac’s has taught me that life isn’t perfect and it’s actually better that way.

  Let’s be honest, a lot can go wrong food wise even if you are having a Glutened meal, let alone one that is trying to avoid wheat. But I am going to take a deep breath, love the life I was given and try my best. If the GF stuffing does not work or the pie goes to shit or the cookies taste like saw dust, I am going to look at my nativity scene, salute that gorgeous Mary and say ‘Here’s to settling for what we've got to work with babe.” And everyone, I mean EVERYONE is going to eat everything, shitty or not because I made it with all my Gluten Free Skills and if you can tell the difference? Shut your mouth, it’s Christmas for the love of the Baby Jesus.


If I were you, I would check this blog at roughly, on Christmas night. If it went well, I will be blind drunk and there will be no post. If it didn’t go well, I will be blind drunk and trying to type which really should be entertainment for all.  

Take care of those around you this season. Wake up Christmas morning and do EXACTLY what you want to do that day, spend it with who YOU want to spend it with and eat what is good for YOU. Relish in the goodness of giving and smile as much as you can.

Merry Christmas Reader, You reading this blog is truly the greatest present I have ever gotten.

Much Love
Laurie

Monday, 5 December 2011

Chop it up Baby!

So being an old (careful now) Moxie girl, I knew that Chop might be a good GF choice. The two are in the same family of restaurants and that usually bodes well for me. So I was fairly confident when I walked in their Chinook location with my two best gals last night for an early birthday celebration that I would not get poisoned. I should not have set my bar so low for I was truly blown away by the level of service we received. So we stroll in; something moms, one pregnant and I am the only one who orders a glass of wine. We already scream ‘pain in the ass for a low tip’ table but the server was more than accommodating. I immediately tell her that I have Celiacs. She asks if it is severe and when in unison we reply ‘yes’ it was an all stop kind of situation. Her manager Ian comes over and spends the next hour dazzling the hell out of us.

            We asked to share an appetizer plate.  Again, it was like we were trying to piss them off and yet they could not have been more thrilled to serve us. Some of the things on the platter I could eat and some I couldn’t. So Ian and his chef have to go through the ingredients on all these different items and check and double check them against each other. Ian came back to our table twice to double check with me in the preparation of an item to see if that would cause a problem. He then apologizes to US for disturbing us! Seriously, I was deeply in love with this guy by now and would have put him in my pocket if he would have fit. Bother us? Please! So the dish comes out, all on separate plates, mine run by Manager Ian and it’s all gorgeous. The gals tried to tell me that the cheese bread was disgusting but since the preggo one ate it like the baby’s life depended on it, I called bullshit. But really, I didn’t miss it that much. The peas and the shrimp that I could have were fresh and delicious and beautifully presented. We could not have been more thrilled.

Then, to make things even better, the server comes by and the following conversation ensues,

           Pretty blond girl server, “We have Gluten Free desserts.”

            Short brunette lady blogger, “Don’t toy with me. Is it chocolate?”

            Pretty blond girl getting slimmer by the second, “Yes, it’s our…..”

            Short brunette lady about to get larger, “Sold, don’t tell me, just bring it.”





And this is what that doll of a human brought me. The Fallen Chocolate Souffle Cake! Unreal! One of the best restaurant desserts I have ever had. We devoured it in an embarrassing way and it was delightful.

Ian came by again to make sure that we were doing well. He told me about the extensive charts they have for servers to make sure that no allergen is missed. He told us about Chop’s baker and their butcher and how everything is fresh, made in house, with the best ingredients. He listed off all the things I could have on the next visit, including more desserts. Chop doesn’t’ have a written gluten free menu and I really don’t think it needs one. Instead, it has knowledgeable, passionate staff that care as much about what goes in my body as I do. They went above and beyond and I could not have been more thrilled. We weren’t a “money table”, not by any stretch and yet the team at Chop made this gluten free gal feel mighty special.

Happy GF Birthday to me.


 I’ll be back to get Chopped, and you should too.

Monday, 28 November 2011

"The surest poison is time." Ralph Waldo Emerson

We Celiacs have made up our own words. Why, because we can’t eat bread and you gotta have some fun somewhere right? We have invented the verb “Glutened” or some call it “Glutenized” either way it’s definition is – being poisoned by Gluten. Being “Glutened” is really the worse thing ever for a Celiac. It’s always this sneak attack at the least opportune moment. Is there an opportune moment? Not really. But it always seems to happen for me in public when I have a million things to do or no bed to lie in for hours.

Once I was Glutened at the Boston Pizza in Medicine Hat (the entire story is epic so I will share it at another time) and had to drive the whole way home in the passenger seat of the truck with the kids wide eyed and terrified in the back. I was Gutened once during a date night with Trev. We had to go home early with me doubled over and groaning while paying the babysitter. In all my Glutenizing incidents, it was someone else’s fault. There was someone to hold responsible, to shake my fist and write a litany of angry emails to managers informing them of how shitty they are. As a side note, managers usually send gift certificates but will never admit fault. They will offer to poison you again but never risk a law suit. I have never returned to an establishment that poisoned me, fool me once yada yada.

The other day though, I experienced something I have never before. I poisoned myself. Yup, that’s right, I poisoned myself. Have you ever walked into the side of an open door because you somehow didn’t see it or remember that your bedroom had a door? Ever bounce off a screen door in front of strangers? Trip on that last step that your muscle memory forgot was there? Hit your head on the corner of a cupboard that you just opened? Stood there blind with rage and pain, beating the shit out of the cupboard door for getting in your way? Ever felt that stupid? Yes? Excellent. Now, imagine that for 2 days and everyone you know is watching. Yes, that is a self inflicted Glutinizing and its dreadful. The moment word of the Glutenizing comes about, friends start to call, ready to curse the son of a bitch chef that tried to kill me. (Digression – I once had a friend launch a twitter war beyond the likes of General Paton on a restaurant that glutened me….it was a thing of beauty. Shelby rocks.) I have to tell my concerned friends that, nope, it was my own damn self that did it.

This time it was a beef stock that did it. I bought it from one of those house party things and I should have known better than to just tell the lady I was Celiac, pay for something and use it, AND NOT LOOK AT THE INGREDIENTS!! Looking at the ingredients is my thing, it’s what I do I read ingredients on shampoo, nail polish, canned goods, coffee whiteners, anything and everything that goes in my mouth or on my body. Minds out of the gutter you fucking juveniles. . I know that I might be on that “people of walmart” website because I guarantee you; I have stood in my sweats pondering deeply over a pack of gum for ten minutes. I know the lady at the counter is thinking, “bitch, buy the gum!” but I can’t without looking at the ingredients. And yet on Friday, I went ahead and made a roasted red pepper and tomato soup (it was delicious by the way) with the offending beef broth and didn’t even look at it.

Fast forward and hour and we are standing in IKEA, well, Trev and the spawn are standing, I am lying prone on a couch that felt like sandpaper and looked like stadium seating. To make things worse some fucking idiot thinks its some kind of you tube video and “planks” beside me. It was horrible. The big question is WHAT did it. Trev and I turn into Bruce and Cybil from “Moonlighting”, trying to find out how this happened. It took a couple days and we finally figured it out. The beef broth is in the garbage with my pride.

But really, considering that I was diagnosed a year ago and cook in a kitchen that serves only one GF eater, it is fairly impressive that it took me this long to fuck up.

So anyway, read your ingredients and try not to kill yourself. Take it from me, your pride is harder than Gluten to swallow.

And planking is for assholes.

Tuesday, 15 November 2011

Cheater Cheater Gluten Eater


I am not a cheating Celiac. I am not able to choose to eat Gluten and suffer the consequences. Well, I could, but that would mean clearing my schedule for 36 to 48 hours depending on what I ate. Knowing me, I would go hard or go home and cause some serious damage. I can’t bring myself to do that, no French bread is worth that. So I don’t cheat.  I know you are out there though. There are those Celiacs who’s symptoms are something they can manage and they don’t just cheat, they eat gluten everyday.

It’s like they are the Evel Knievel of the small intestine and they dodge the bullet with every meal. Everyday they roll the dice and eat what ever they want and hope for the best. I have met some that shrug it off and say, “I just feel like shit everyday,” and I am forced to ask why? Why endure injury for gluten? What’s it ever done for you? Except eat you alive inside? I completely understand the love for bread and all things flour-esque. I recognize that it’s an annoyance to tell people about your Celiacs so it’s easier to just eat the spinach dip at a party. I even get that it is so much more economical to eat Gluten. I don’t understand though why you don’t like yourself enough to not hurt yourself.

The worst part about cheaters is some of them are self righteous about it. They act like it’s a badge of honor, “I have Celiacs too, but I just ignore it.” like I am supposed to be impressed with their lack of self control. Imagine this, “I have diabetes, but I just ignore it,” or “I have a peanut allergy but I just ignore it.” I shake my head. They also make it difficult for me to eat out. They order things in a restaurant and are flippant about their Celiacs. Then I come along and look like a lunatic because I ask if they are using clean pans to cook my food in. I have had to convince a server that I can’t have Soya sauce because apparently, the last Celiac she served could have it. Thanks a bunch.

If Celiacs showed on the outside, I think there would be less cheaters. Imagine if your hair fell out if you ate Gluten, or you got spots on your face or even a rash on your ass. You would avoid Gluten like the plague. But there is serious damage going on inside your body. Just because you cant’ see it, doesn’t mean its not there. I think the cheater’s bodies will rebel eventually though. The human form has a way of telling you it’s not pleased with you that can not be denied. I have a sneaking suspicion that one day those cheaters might find themselves curled up in the fetal position wondering if they are dying. Welcome to my world.

            Don’t get me wrong, if a genie popped out of my coffee pot right now and offered me three wishes, after I wished for a roller coaster in my backyard and a pony, no a unicorn, ya, I would get a unicorn, one that could fly,  I would THEN ask for the ability to cheat on my Celiacs. I don’t know if I would get rid of the little monkey on my back all together but I would certainly want to shuffle him off to a babysitter when he started to throw feces. I would totally love to cheat every once in a while but only if it didn’t hurt me. I think that I am a pretty awesome person and I don’t really like to hurt people I like, especially myself. I don’t have the option to cheat, but I wouldn’t even if I could. If I won’t respect myself, how can I ask anyone else to?

So cheat if you feel the need to but remember, that when we don’t value someone (yourself), or something (your small intestine), it can really come back to bite you in the ass.
Literally.

Wednesday, 9 November 2011

Don't be an Expert!



I sometimes hate telling people I have Celiacs. Some people always turn it into a 'thing'. Suddenly, Celiacs is all there is to know about me. I assure you, that isnt the case. I know people that have introduced me as, “Laurie the Celiac.” To which I return the favor by introducing them as, “Bill, with herpies.”

When I tell NORMAL people that I have Celiacs it’s all very simple.

 For example, this is the conversation I had with my friend Pat when I told him.

Me, “They figured out I have Celiac Disease.”
Pat, “That’s fucking lame. What do you have to do?”
Me, “Not eat Gluten forever.”
Pat, “Extra fucking lame. Are you going to live?”
Me. “Yup,”
Pat, “Good enough for me. Anything I can do?”
Me, “Nope.”
Pat, “Excellent. So about this motorcycle I think I should buy…..”

When I tell idiots that I have Celiacs, it goes very differently.
Here is a combination of typical conversations that I have had with the more annoying people I have met. This is not one particular person; it is an amalgamation of several morons. I call them the “expert” because inevitably, that’s what they think they are.


Me, “Thank you so much for offering but I have Celiacs so I am just going to stick to the cheese without the crackers thank you.”
Expert, “Oh, I read an article about Celiacs in my dermatologists office while waiting for my botox, I know all about it.”
Me, sighing, “Oh,”
Expert, “Ya, you get body aches right? And diarrhea? And your nails are brittle?”
Me, “Actually, no, those aren’t my symptoms but Celiac symptoms vary wildly and…”
Expert rolling eyes, “You don't have Celiacs, I know, I read that article, remember?”
Me, “I will take that into advisement.”
Expert, “My brothers, wife’s cousin has Celiac, it’s no big deal.” Dipping crackers into the cheese ball thus making the cheese ball inedible.
Me, “Well, it’s a big adjustment that’s for sure,” Looking longingly at cheese ball.
Expert, “Did you know that there are Gluten Free Breads?”
Me, Now just enjoying myself, “No way, I did not know that.”
Expert, “Ya, and there are crackers and cereal. There are entire companies dedicated to it.”
Me, “Shut the fuck up. Here I have been eating celery this whole time. Thank God I ran into you at this Mom’s group/party/bathroom stall you have made my life so much better. What would I have done with out this conversation?”
Expert, “No problem, did you know Elizabeth Hasselbeck wrote a book about it?”
Me, “Gee I wonder if she has Celiac’s”
Expert, “And you can eat out,”
Me, “WHAT?  I haven’t left my house in 10 months.”
Expert, Now eating a loaf of French bread like a caveman, “It’s no big deal, you shouldn’t be sad about it. It could be worse. It's just bread, like really, there are lots of other things you can eat.”
Me, restraining myself from punching her in the throat, “Ya, well, it’s an adjustment.”
Expert, “And you can eat Rye, I know they tell you that you can’t but my cousin's, husband's brother has Celiac and he can eat Rye so you should be fine. Did you know that wine is Gluten Free?”
Me, continuing to sip my wine, “Ya I know wine is gluten free or else I would have offed myself. By Rye is not.”
Expert, “Yes it is,” Takes a bite of a butter tart and puts the rest on my plate.
Me, “It really isn’t” Putting plate in garbage. “But anyway, what do you do for a living?”
Expert, “Hey Jim! This is Laurie, she has Celiac, do you know about Celiac Disease, she has it. She is a Celiac. Celiac Disease, she has it.”
Jim, “You have Celiac? My Uncle’s second wife's mother had Celiac, did you know that there is Gluten Free pizza crusts?”
Me, “Fuck it, I’m out.” I leave.
Expert, “Oh no! I forgot to tell her about that awesome Blog: Are you Freaking Celiac? I have to go after her.”

Sunday, 6 November 2011

The Perogies!!!!!

The Perogies

Do you remember in junior high that your language arts teacher would make you compose a descriptive essay? This essay would not benefit you in any way for the rest of your life - unless of course you became a beatnik that stared at clouds all day. It forced you to look up words like “prodigious” and “ultramarine” so you could describe a rock beside the school smoke doors. I have finally discovered why, Mrs. Graham, in her brilliant mind, wanted ME to write the essay. Because she somehow knew that I, one day would be diagnosed Celiac, and that one fine day, I would eat Gluten Free Perogies from People Food.

Trev brings them home and I am already boiling the water. I didn’t know a year ago that I was going to be diagnosed with Celiac, otherwise I would have taken a chance to eat all the glutened stuff I liked.  Perogies would have certainly been high on that list. As it is though, I have not had perogies in over a year and I had given up on every having them again. If banana bread is a stretch for gluten free cooking, then perogies are certainly out of the question. BUT the good people at People Food have pushed forward and made some of the best perogies I have ever had….ever. They are hand made and huge, they cook up beautifully and hold together. They are actually one of the first gluten free foods that I have had that behave exactly like they have gluten, that’s how well they are made.

After I was done cooking them in the frying pan to a golden crispy texture, I plated them, and added a dollop of sour cream and declared it ‘mommy quiet time!’ so that the spawn would scatter like roaches.

I devoured them…..in minutes, they were so wonderful! The flavor of the caramelized onion added a nice sweetness to the cheesy potato goodness inside, they were marvelous! Trev even asked for a bite and was refused. Well he wasn’t refused as much as scared off. I did that jersey shore, peacock, chest pop, arm jerk thing that translates to ‘yo wanna go?”. I think I added a feral growl for effect. They were really, that good.

So everyone get your sweet gluten free selves over to People Food and get some of what ever they have on the menu this week because I promise you that it is going to be fantastic!

Thank you People Food for teaching the world that Gluten Free doesn’t mean you have to give up your favorites or that your favorites have to taste like crap. Thanks for making love the main ingredient and making my belly a part of your family.

Thursday, 3 November 2011

Liar liar pants on fire!

Celiacs is a part of my life but there are still moments that I HATE telling people that I have it. The hardest is telling people who have never heard of the disease. I have the choice to either let it go or to go into a bunch of details and it’s exhausting. For example, my older Spawn Ethan was invited to the birthday party of a kid at school. He is finally at the age when I can leave him alone at a party and get a fair representation from him as to what happened. I won’t find out that he ate seventeen marshmallow bananas but I think he would certainly tell me if he played the naked movie star game.

So I drop him off at this party and the family has just moved here from another country, one that clearly believes in community and caring and neighbors, because the mom basically forces me to stay. She does this by physically pulling on my scarf until I stumbled into her home. She was really quite sweet and deceptively strong. So I wish a wistful goodbye to 90 min of mindless shopping and slip into the kitchen. I see that I was not the first victim, there are 3 other moms gathered around the kitchen and some lovely old ladies, I assumed aunties, grannies and the like.  The table was PACKED with food. It was so full; they had to put the napkins on a chair. The mom sweeps her arm over the table and says “eat!” She is so proud, she has worked her ass off for days, she is bursting with love and goodness and kindness and my heart sank. There was literally nothing on the table that I could even remotely eat. The other moms dug in and the aunties and grannies did too. I sipped my coke. There wasn’t a veggie tray which is usually my saving grace or even a bowl of chips. The food was all huge casserole dishes bursting with meat and noodles and gravies and breaded goodness. The food was gorgeous stuff, but sheer poison for me.

They were persistent those aunties, they could not let a woman go hungry; they asked and asked and asked and motioned to the food. I feigned that I had eaten already which could not matter less to them. I changed the subject many times, asking about their old home and how they liked Canada but they just kept going back to the food. One even starting to make me a plate by taking charge and spooning piles of food on the red plastic disc like my life depended on it. For a split second, I thought about cheating but I didn’t think that I would be gone from the party before my symptoms started, actually, with that much gluten, I would probably have started to react immediately. And why should I really? Cause my body damage to avoid looking rude? But what to do?

There was a discussion about how I should have more meat on my bones; I should not be skinny in this cold cold place. I didn’t know what to do so I just kept shaking my head but it wasn’t doing any good. I looked so rude and there was no escape. Finally I said, “It all looks so good but I have a severe allergy and I can’t eat it, but thank you so much.” That was in no way sufficient. These were not stupid women, they were smart and strong and had kicked ass on more than one continent, I was not going to sneak out of this.

“ALL?” they ask incredulously, “You can’t have ALL these different dishes?” They shake their heads and tisk.

And then I say it, I say it right out, “I have Celiac’s disease" and of course I get a blank stare so I go on,  "so bascially, I can’t have flour.”

I saw it happen slowly, those lovely weathered faces hardened one at a time and their eyes cooled and lost a twinkle. They thought I was lying so I wouldn’t have to eat the food…. they thought I was a liar. It was a horrid moment. Even though another mom jumped in and said that her friend’s kids had Celiac and it was such a struggle and the other moms nodded, the aunties turned from me and were cool for the rest of the time. It was awful.

I made it through the rest of the time by changing the subject and saying some funny shit but really, the tone of the day was tainted and there was nothing I could have done. And no, it doesn’t matter that these old ladies think I am a liar, it really doesn’t but at first, I admit, it stung a little. I was tempted to bring up all my info on the phone or ask for a computer to show them that Celiacs was real and to prove myself true. I could have shown them all the education on Celiacs but really, do they need to know? Do these gorgeous women who have lived ten lives more than me need to know about my shitty disease? Nope, they do not. I would rather look like a liar than a self righteous snit any day.

My kid had a great time at the party and really I did to, I’m glad I didn’t go shopping.  I still love those ladies and I hated disappointing them but this disease isn’t part time and I would rather be asshole, than feel like an asshole because I cheated.

My kid ate 19 gummy worms and said he felt gross, I told him I knew how he felt.

Monday, 31 October 2011

Rot your teeth, not your small intestine!

Here is a list of some GF goodies for Halloween. I admit that I looked it up so I could root through the spawn's pillow cases under the guise that I am "making it safe" and take what I want because "they look poison." I'll leave the apples with razor blades, I think that any fruit would be safe in a bag of Halloween candy. Seriously, what are those crazies thinking? What kid is going to eat an apple when they could eat a tootsie roll? You hate kids AND you are stupid....two strikes.


Happy Halloween!!!



This is just the shit I like. A more extensive list can be found:

http://celiacdisease.about.com/od/glutenfreefoodshopping/a/GFcandies.htm

Now go put yourself into a sugar coma!
    According to Mars Chocolate, the following candies are gluten-free:
  • M&M's (all EXCEPT for pretzel-flavored M&M's
  • 3 Musketeers Bars (all flavors)
  • Milky Way Midnight Bar
  • Milky Way Caramel Bar
  • Dove Chocolate products (all flavors)
  • Snickers Bars (all flavors)
  • Munch Nut Bar
    The following Mars Chocolate products are NOT gluten-free:
  • Milky Way Bar (original)
  • Mars Bar

Thursday, 27 October 2011

PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!!

PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!! This is how I start all texts. It's true, ask my friends. I send a text that says PAY ATTENTION  TO ME and then I wait ten minutes before asking them something inane like, "what time is it in Timbucktoo?" or "what color are your eyes" or "how much wood CAN a wood chuck chuck..." and they answer me. It's wonderful and it works, try it. I will give you my all of my friends numbers and you will see. And I realize the brainless story about the snotty nosed lad who had some issues with a wolf or a badger or something but that kid didn't have a black berry so he sucked. But  NOW..... now. I need you to really really pay attention. It's important to me and because I love you and you....well....find me mildly amusing and tolerate me so you gotta listen up.


Rememer People Food? I blogged about them a bit ago “People Food, Go or I will kick you in the Privates?” Anyway, they are changing things up a bit and focusing on charter school lunches soooo PAY ATTENTION TO ME you need to get them into your kids charter school…..like…now. Good.

NEXT. They have put out a menu for weekly orders, you can order something by Tuesday at and then pick it up on Sat between 11 and 4. Now remember, this is FRESH gluten free food, it isn’t packaged, frozen and full of crap to help preserve it, it’s good old food that is made by people who care about what goes into that temple of a body you have. Let’s be honest, at People Food, the main ingredient, is love. Soooo now, PAY ATTENTION TO ME… you should order stuff from them because it’s awesome and I want them to keep doing it. I also got a mention on the menu which makes feel me all warm and gooey inside. Here is the info, call or email, even if you don’t have Celiac’s remember that gluten is kinda shitty for you and this food will make you feel good. I promise.

This Week
********************************************************************************************************************
The Food we are offering for the week.   Order by Tues Nov 1 and pick up on Saturday Nov 5, 2011:
FROM THE BAKE SHOP
Oneder Bread:        $8 per loaf
Pizza Crusts:    $7 a crust.
Frozen Cookie balls: $1 per ball.  A minimum dozen per order. Flavours:  peanut butter, chocolate chip, ginger zipper.
Score bars;   Brownines;   Lazy Daisy Cakes: $5 each.
Banana Chocolate chip mini loaves:  $15 per 6 loafs (minimum order of 6 loaves)
Babycakes: Carrot (cream cheese icing) Chocolate Zucchini (butter cream icing)  $18 per dozen.  Minimum dozen per order.
Standard Cake orders:  6 – 8 ppl starting at $60
Specialty Cakes orders  6 -8 ppl starting at $80
Seasonal pies: pumpkin, apple, cherry, etc (although that is not a food, it is more of an abbrebiation) starting at $18 
FROM THE KITCHEN
Carrot and Ginger soup (dairy free):   $7 per 16oz
Coleslaw with homade ranch dressing (epic):    $7 per 16oz
Perogies (Caramelized onion, aged cheddar cheese and potato) ((a freakin celiac’s delight)) $6 per 4 perogies
Gluten Free Garlic sausage or Smokies by European deli $12 per 4, please specify which sausage you would like.

Happily, you can reach us at hello@peoplefood.ca write to us what you would like us to make for you and what we can set aside for you on Saturday November 5.  This week there are no limits, that might change.  You fine people have until Tuesday @ .  If your order has not been placed, then tragically, there will be no food waiting for you here at the momentus people food store.
Have fun placing your order with us, and we will see everyone on Saturday the 5 of November between 11 -4 for you to pick up your food. 




Wednesday, 26 October 2011

Doing a Gluten Free Jig!

Doing the dance of joy here readers, and you should too!!!
 
Rice Krispies are going Gluten Free. I doubt we will see them up here in the great white north anytime soon but there is always hope!
 
 
 
 
 
New Rice Krispies® Gluten Free cereal, made with brown rice, lets you bring a childhood favorite back to the table. Now your kids can enjoy a bowlful for breakfast, and they won’t miss out on the timeless taste of homemade Rice Krispies Treats® marshmallow squares.

Friday, 21 October 2011

"I'm not a smart man... but I know what love is." Bubba Gumps

Trev and I rarely fall into the cheesy loser tourist category, except when we go to….The Bubba Gump Shrimp Company.  For those of you who are stupid (offence intended) and can’t figure it out, the BGSC is a theme restaurant based on the movie Forrest Gump. There aren’t any in Canada (as far as I know, but if there is one, don’t enlighten me, there isn’t one in my backyard so I don’t really care if there is one in Toronto) so Trev and I have to go when we are close to one because we are hard core seafood lovers.

 Sidebar, this is why I think we should live near the ocean somewhere but alas, Trev’s gotta be where oil is and that bitch mother nature didn’t put no oil in Hawaii… selfish cow. End Sidebar.

 I myself have a special given talent for eating seafood, oh you heard me, some people are good at molecular science, others are musical prodigy’s, I could eat one entire lobster in a sitting by the age of 8.  Why my mother never entered me in pageants for this talent, I will never know. I love all seafood, especially the seafood that you have to work for. There is nothing more satisfying than beating the crap out of your food with a hammer and a fancy pair of pliers just to suck the meat out. It tastes so much better when it takes exertion. And between you me and the fence post, I really like the bib too. Seafood is the only fare that comes with clothes! How awesome is that? Free garments! Seafood kicks the shit out of any other food just on the accessory front.

 My love for seafood is equally matched by my husband’s love of shiny flashing cups. Now, let me clarify here reader because I understand that my last statement made my Trev sound like a moronic simpleton and there is nothing farther from the truth. The light up cups at Bubba Gumps are - in the simplest of terms - the shit. They are perfectly formed and fit in your hand flawlessly and are the ideal size for what I call a “Canadian triple”. Which is basically, three ounces of the alcohol of your choice mixed with 4 tablespoons of the mix of your choice, neither ingredient matters too much, just the ratio -it’s all about class people.  We don’t drink out of the light up cups all the time but they get sent to the trailer for camping.  I can still feel your judgment, so I ask you dear reader, late at night, in the Canadian Rockies, when the fire is crackling and it’s pitch fucking black near your lawn chair, can you find your moonshine? I didn’t think so! I can!  I can because I have been to Bubba Gumps! We had a pair of glasses that we have been using religiously for two years and during a camping trip this summer, the last one died. Trev was holding it, gingerly; with reverence so it departed this life knowing it was loved. When its light finally faded into oblivion, Trev looked me dead in the eye and said, “We have to go back”. It was very “Braveheart” really touching.

ANYWAY…. We go to BGSC the second night of our vacation. I did not call ahead to see if they had a GF menu because it didn’t t really matter, we were going there if I had to eat the napkins. Julia (the small spawn) is terrified of stupid shit and therefore is scared of the guy dressed up like a shrimp that dances in front of the restaurant. That's right, she is terrified of the server who lost the bet and had to dress up like a shrimp in a top hat….I don’t make this up. So we have to like charge in as if we just stole something or we are taking it by storm so everyone knows when the Lyons Family has arrived. Then we met, Alanna. Hence forth known as “kick ass server bitch” because she ROCKED. I eat out a great deal, and NEVER have I felt like my server was as invested in my health as Alanna was. I have also served a great many tables in my day and I would like to think that I was pretty damn good at it and I can tell when someone is good at their job because they want to be or if they are good at their job out of sheer experience. Alanna is outstanding at her job because she wants to be.

BGSC has a Gluten Free menu in the making and not ready for production so Alanna  basically walked me through the whole menu telling me what is in each and every dish. Her food knowledge was unmatched. Then I picked what I wanted :The Steamed Shellfish - (clearly with out the bread)



Steamed Shellfish
A delicious mix of steamed Mussels, Clams,
Snow Crab, Lobster Claw and Shrimp.
Served with Jasmine Rice and a side of
Mama’s best Garlic Bread. 22.99





Few things of note here:
A) size of meal  - realized after I finished it that table next to us was sharing it between two people
B) Glowing cup full of green love and rum
C) My kid literally looking at me like I am an embarassing fucking idiot
D) the level of awesomeness in this picture

Alanna, checked every single ingredient, conversed with the kitchen and even went into the cooler to pull new butter for me and make sure that it was safe. Blown away does not even explain our experience for Alanna and BGSC. It was a treat to be so indulged and I was beyond grateful. The meal was perfect, the service outstanding and the cups super glowy.


So Bubba Gumps, thanks for a great meal and thanks to Alanna for all her dedication to my intestinal health, I raise my flashy cup to you which is right now full of Pinot Grigio……I am all class people, all class.

"That's all I have to say about that..."


Next Stop...my new happy place...PF Changs.

Thursday, 20 October 2011

BEWARE............

I need to pause in my relaying of the Disney fun to pass on an experience that I had. It is as fascinating as it is frightening.

So I went into a coffee shop yesterday, one that I have never been to, seeking desperately, a cup of coffee. It was a cute little place and while the gal was whipping up my americano, I perused the display of baked goods. She was a good salesman and asks if I want anything from the display case. I give her a sad face and say that although it looks fantastic, I have Celiacs so I can't eat any of it but thanks anyway. This is the exchange that followed.

Coffee chick, (who I liked at this point but not so much by the end,) "But those cupcakes are Gluten Free."

Celiac Goddess, "Really? You should label them as such and advertise that." But then I look and there on the little tag in tiny, bug sized lettering is "GF". "What do you use to make them?"

Coffee Chickie-poo, "Quinoa flour."

Celiac Goddess, "Huh, well then maybe I will try one, the cookies and cream look good. But is that an Oreo on the top?"

Coffee chickie, "Yup,"

Celiac Goddess, "Oreo's aren't gluten free."

Coffee chickie, "But there is no flour in the cupcake, so it's gluten free."

Celiac Goddess, "But I still can't eat the Oreo."

Coffee chickie, Unfazed, " But there is chocolate flavor cupcake." and adds my favorite line, "Lots of Celiac people eat here all the time." Did you give them a blood test? Many people eat Gluten Free that aren't Celiacs.

Then, I look closer and throw up a little, "Are they sharing a tray with the regular cupcakes?"

Coffee chick,"Yes, but there isn't flour in them so they are Gluten Free." She is losing patience with me.

Celiac Goddess, "Do you have special cake pans for the GF stuff, or Special bowls, separate pans or even a cutting board that is designated gluten free?"

Coffee chick, "No," now with a tone like I am a fucking idiot, "But the cupcakes do not have wheat in them, so they are Gluten Free."

Celiac Goddess, "Can you guarantee that they have no Gluten AT ALL in them?" The cupcakes no longer look cute and yummy, they look menacing and poisonous.

Coffee chick, "Well, I can guarantee that they were not made with wheat,"

Celiac Goddess, "But that's not enough. At least say that you have done EVERYTHING you possibly can to prevent cross contamination and then do that, but don't say that you have Gluten Free cupcakes with an OREO on it!"

Coffee chick, "BUT THEY DON"T HAVE WHEAT......" she says slowly like I didn't hear her the last four times.

Celiac Goddess giving up, "Ya, but I can't have them if they have come so close to flour, most Celiac's couldn't."

Coffee chick. In a manner that implies she just made OJs glove fit, "I have a Gluten Sensitivity and eat here all the time."

Celiac Goddess, "Ya, I don't just have a sensitivity, its a little different." I felt the eye roll. I just slipped seamlesly into her 'stupid customer' file and I was going to be relayed to her friends that night when she has a non GF beer.

Coffee chick, shrugging, "Well, I'm sure you will be fine," There is nothing in this world that I have been less sure of than that statement.

Celiac Goddess, "But you guys REALLY shouldn't say that something is Gluten free unless you have looked into the Cross Contamination issue." I started to explain but stopped.

She was done with me and basically didn't respond. I feel like a doomsday psycho when I say, be vigilant, be on your guard and let no gluten get to you. I would normally roast this places name over the coals BUT they were fairly new and so I figure I will give them a chance before I vilify them. I am writing a letter to the owner to educate them on what is and what is not Gluten Free and will go back to visit in a little while and see what happens then. I know for some people, not having wheat in something fulfills whatever diet their personal trainer put them on but for some of us, just swapping out the flour doesn't cut it!!


Beware of the labels....or Halloween could come early (insert creepy laugh here).



More Anaheim stories Next Time! Life was like a box of chocolates at Bubba Gumps!

Tuesday, 18 October 2011

The Mouse didn't lie to you........

Disneyland IS the happiest place on earth! Especially for Celiac's. We were on and off the park for a total of five days and I didn't get sick ONCE. Not to question the Be Our Guest crew, but I was SHOCKED. I thought for sure that I would have some sort of problem with at least cross contamination but I was totally fine. I really shouldn't be shocked because I think Disney does everything very well. They handle their guests with mickey mouse gloves where ever you go. They amaze me the most in their crowd control. Disneyland moves people with artistry. You may have thousands of people around you while you are trying to get from main street to adventure land after the fireworks but the smiling happy person with the flashlight is showing you the right way! Suddenly, you don't feel crowded or like a sheep, you are a part of the magic!

It is obvious that the people at Disney have figured out that the Cruella Deville is in the details. When my daughter was dressed as a princess after her visit to the Bibbity Bobbity Boutique (a completely indulgent spa for spoiled little girls that makes you over to look like your fave Disney princess), everywhere we went, people stopped to acknowledge her. For example, a man sweeping the street, stopped as we passed, clicked his heels together, bowed and exclaimed, "Your Majesty, might I say that you look lovely today" and then continued on with his sweeping like this was nothing! The makeover was costly, but Disney made it worth it all day!


This policy of perfection continues on in their food preparation. We ate at a few places in Disneyland and in Disney's California Adventure Park and it was awesome each time. Even at the quick lunch places, I would say "Celiac" or "Gluten Free" and it would be an all stop. A chef would come out, talk to me about what I could eat there and then would discuss with the employee about what to feed me. Then I would watch as the "Crew Member" would change their gloves, clean their space and prepare my Gluten Free meal. It was so wonderful. I ate at one of the character breakfasts so the little spawn could meet the Princesses and when I called to make the reservation, the person booking me in, asked if I had any allergies. When I got to the restaurant, there was a sheet of paper covered in highlighter, passed around from hostess to server to kitchen. They knew I was coming and my experience started with the server telling ME what I was having for breakfast.


It was tremendous, a true vacation, even from my Celiacs. Thank you Disney for being ....well....you.

Saturday, 15 October 2011

Fear and Loathing in Anaheim

We stayed at the Sheraton Park Hotel in Anaheim. The hotel itself was great, nice pool (with a bar – nothing safer than drinking wine at and then swimming with your children) and the rooms were clean with comfy beds. We could even see the fireworks from our balcony. The first night there, we checked in at and if you read my last post you know that I, at this point, have not eaten proper food since . People in prison have higher blood sugars than I did at that point. So we check in and unpack and get settled and we head down to the Overland Restaurant to eat.

It was a nice hotel restaurant, clean and everyone was very pleasant. When the server came over though, and I gave my set spiel on the Celiac gig, he did a few things that raised red flags.

A)    He said “ya ya ya” . One of two things might have been the problem here, he didn’t know what gluten was and didn’t really care, or he thought I was a crazy person and still didn’t care. Either way “Ya ya ya,” tells me you don’t give a shit.

B)     He didn’t write anything down. Huge problem here. I am always comforted by the server who mumbles “Severe allergy, celiac, gluten….” While scribbling furiously on their note pad. I don’t care if they are actually writing their grocery list or drawing a stick figure and doing the whole act for my crazy ass, that’s fine, just put up the fa├žade would ya?

So Trev reiterates the whole thing, he says, “So you need to talk to the chef and everyone needs to understand what she can and can not have and how to prepare her food.”

And the guy nods again and says “Ya ya ya,” then he does something odd, he points over his shoulder…..at nothing. I’m thinking, what the fuck are you pointing at? The kitchen? The manager? A Gluten Free chef waiting in the wings? WHAT? Then he just walks away. Trev looks at me and with a dead pan face says, “You’re dead meat.”

I try to think positively, I DID send an email to this restaurant, warning of my pending arrival; I received a response from the manager who said he understood and could handle my dietary concerns and to just tell the server upon arrival. Now it's Gluten Free Roulette and I HATE playing that game but sometimes you don't have a choice. You just gotta spin and hope for the best! So we wait for the food and I realize that I am feeling a little dizzy and sweaty now, I need to eat.

Then the server comes back and puts a bowl of tortilla chips on the table. This is the exchange…

“Oh, are those corn torillas? Can I have them” I ask deeply hopeful

“Ya” he nods, I am starting to question this guys vocabulary

“Were they cooked in the fryer with other breaded items?”

“Ya,” he nods.

“So I can’t have them,”

“No,” and he walks away.

The shittiest part is that he smiled through this whole exchange. He was a completely pleasant man who currently was ruining my life.

FINALLY the food comes out and the manager runs mine which was the saving grace through this whole exchange because he puts my plate down and I pull my old, “So that’s a gluten free meal right?” and he started to nod out of habit, but stopped and immediately started shaking his head, reaches for the plate and whisks it back.

He says that I can not have the sauce on the chicken and he didn’t know that I needed a gluten free meal and he was very sorry.

Now, I am not a cry baby, I am not a whiner, I think people who cry over little things are soft in the head to be honest with you but I totally lost it at this point. I had not eaten in 11 hours, I was desperately trying to get my kids to Disneyland that night because we promised them that they would see it, I was exhausted from packing and planning the whole surprise and getting everything done before we go, I felt like I had covered all my gluten free bases and it still wasn’t good enough, and once again my kids cant have a normal meal at a restaurant……and now I have the shakes.

I took a deep breath and said in a quiet, unsteady voice, “I am going to need you to right now, find me something to eat because you see ….. I ….. (whimper) ….. am….. (sniff)…… very……(choke)……hungryyyyy…..(wail). I tried to stop it but the tears just came.

The guy literally looked like he wanted to die, I think I should cry more often because man did it put the spring in his step! In addition to my crying, Trev is seething, I can feel the anger radiating off him. He is really a funny, charming man but at the base, he is deeply protective of me and the spawn and when we are threatened in anyway, he is not a happy camper. Now, someone is making his starving wife cry and that is a really dumb thing to do. I think if the kids weren’t there, and Trev could have said whatever he wanted, the guy might have wet himself at some point. As it was though, a dirty look and my sniveling were enough to flash the entire place into action. The manager sprints back to the kitchen, comes back again to apologize, sprints back to the kitchen and returns with a beautiful chicken, no sauce with fresh veggies and rice. I pounced upon the food like a lioness it was delicious!

Our server finally comes back to the table with a vacant expression on his face. I said with my mouth full of chicken, “my first meal wasn’t gluten free.” He looks shocked, again points over his shoulder and says, “ya ya ya…..” he drifted off after seeing Trev’s  face and thought better of talking anymore. He mumbled an apology and skulked away.

The manager apologized again and again and told us that everything would be taken care of from now on and he didn’t lie about that. The breakfast place Molly’s in the hotel is run by his son who sent people for gluten free bread for me and made me a fresh gorgeous breakfast everyday we were there.

We did make it to Disneyland that night and rode on the swinging ferris wheel at California Adventure Park. I didn’t need the provided puke bags because, you see, I’m a pretty tough bitch….unless of course I am hungry.