Wednesday 14 December 2011

The Gluten Free Christmas Extravaganza!

So tis a merry merry time of year don’t you think? You would disagree if you saw the melee at my son’s advent concert today. These women were behaving like Elvis had just crawled out of the cold hard ground and made his way to my spawns school to put on a concert. I kid you not. Mother’s were throwing elbows to get a shot of their kid singing ‘I Wanna Hippopotamus for Christmas’. My kid had been singing it all fucking week so I just gazed at the top of his head (which is all I could see) and revelled in the glory of the crazy around me. I video taped the whole thing for the husband. I really honed in on the weird kids, the ones who were six beats off, or trying to undo their pants. I am going to save these little video nuggets as my own sociology experiment. How will those kids turn out four, ten, twelve years from now? Is the kid who picked his nose through the whole performance going to become a physicists, a game show host or a homeless man? It’s a toss up and I find it all fascinating. Maybe I should have been watching my kid… whatever.

But really, it is a good time of year, especially for me because I am planning the “Gluten Free Christmas Extravaganza”. That’s right, I named it…in my own head anyway. Last year, the whole Celiac thing was so new that there was no way I could handle making GF for anyone other than me. Therefore, at my own party, there was food I could not eat. I claim this to be totally unacceptable. “Suck it Gluten,” I say, “This is MY Christmas and I am going to kick ass.” We are having our Annual Open House on Christmas Eve and I am hosting Christmas dinner. So it’s a lot of food for a lot of people. Cross your fingers.

Be prepared of course that this could go totally, horribly wrong and my brother will laugh so hard he will fall off his chair. It might go well though, who knows. I always figured that at some point on that fateful night, under the bright star, Joseph looked at Mary, shrugged and said, “This will have to do.” I think this is an attitude that we need to embrace more in our Christmases. The woman gave birth in a STABLE for pete’s sake, lets not be so picky about the colour of the napkins shall we? And it is that settling into a stable attitude that I have been owning this last year. Life is too short to fret about the exact shape of the cheese ball. Don't knock people over to get a shot of your kid singing at the Christmas Concert. Close your eyes, listen and I bet you twenty bucks you will be able to pick his voice out of the choir.

Celiac’s has taught me that life isn’t perfect and it’s actually better that way.

  Let’s be honest, a lot can go wrong food wise even if you are having a Glutened meal, let alone one that is trying to avoid wheat. But I am going to take a deep breath, love the life I was given and try my best. If the GF stuffing does not work or the pie goes to shit or the cookies taste like saw dust, I am going to look at my nativity scene, salute that gorgeous Mary and say ‘Here’s to settling for what we've got to work with babe.” And everyone, I mean EVERYONE is going to eat everything, shitty or not because I made it with all my Gluten Free Skills and if you can tell the difference? Shut your mouth, it’s Christmas for the love of the Baby Jesus.

If I were you, I would check this blog at roughly, on Christmas night. If it went well, I will be blind drunk and there will be no post. If it didn’t go well, I will be blind drunk and trying to type which really should be entertainment for all.  

Take care of those around you this season. Wake up Christmas morning and do EXACTLY what you want to do that day, spend it with who YOU want to spend it with and eat what is good for YOU. Relish in the goodness of giving and smile as much as you can.

Merry Christmas Reader, You reading this blog is truly the greatest present I have ever gotten.

Much Love


  1. The greatest gift you give are these posts... Always funny, true and enjoyable. Keep up the great writing. 'Til the New Year...

  2. Looking forward to the GFX-mas (sounds like a work out system I know) extravaganza!!! P.S. I'm always in favor of drunk typing- why don't you kick it up a notch and turn on the web cam to stream it all live while you're at it for an extra special treat.