Tuesday 15 November 2011

Cheater Cheater Gluten Eater

I am not a cheating Celiac. I am not able to choose to eat Gluten and suffer the consequences. Well, I could, but that would mean clearing my schedule for 36 to 48 hours depending on what I ate. Knowing me, I would go hard or go home and cause some serious damage. I can’t bring myself to do that, no French bread is worth that. So I don’t cheat.  I know you are out there though. There are those Celiacs who’s symptoms are something they can manage and they don’t just cheat, they eat gluten everyday.

It’s like they are the Evel Knievel of the small intestine and they dodge the bullet with every meal. Everyday they roll the dice and eat what ever they want and hope for the best. I have met some that shrug it off and say, “I just feel like shit everyday,” and I am forced to ask why? Why endure injury for gluten? What’s it ever done for you? Except eat you alive inside? I completely understand the love for bread and all things flour-esque. I recognize that it’s an annoyance to tell people about your Celiacs so it’s easier to just eat the spinach dip at a party. I even get that it is so much more economical to eat Gluten. I don’t understand though why you don’t like yourself enough to not hurt yourself.

The worst part about cheaters is some of them are self righteous about it. They act like it’s a badge of honor, “I have Celiacs too, but I just ignore it.” like I am supposed to be impressed with their lack of self control. Imagine this, “I have diabetes, but I just ignore it,” or “I have a peanut allergy but I just ignore it.” I shake my head. They also make it difficult for me to eat out. They order things in a restaurant and are flippant about their Celiacs. Then I come along and look like a lunatic because I ask if they are using clean pans to cook my food in. I have had to convince a server that I can’t have Soya sauce because apparently, the last Celiac she served could have it. Thanks a bunch.

If Celiacs showed on the outside, I think there would be less cheaters. Imagine if your hair fell out if you ate Gluten, or you got spots on your face or even a rash on your ass. You would avoid Gluten like the plague. But there is serious damage going on inside your body. Just because you cant’ see it, doesn’t mean its not there. I think the cheater’s bodies will rebel eventually though. The human form has a way of telling you it’s not pleased with you that can not be denied. I have a sneaking suspicion that one day those cheaters might find themselves curled up in the fetal position wondering if they are dying. Welcome to my world.

            Don’t get me wrong, if a genie popped out of my coffee pot right now and offered me three wishes, after I wished for a roller coaster in my backyard and a pony, no a unicorn, ya, I would get a unicorn, one that could fly,  I would THEN ask for the ability to cheat on my Celiacs. I don’t know if I would get rid of the little monkey on my back all together but I would certainly want to shuffle him off to a babysitter when he started to throw feces. I would totally love to cheat every once in a while but only if it didn’t hurt me. I think that I am a pretty awesome person and I don’t really like to hurt people I like, especially myself. I don’t have the option to cheat, but I wouldn’t even if I could. If I won’t respect myself, how can I ask anyone else to?

So cheat if you feel the need to but remember, that when we don’t value someone (yourself), or something (your small intestine), it can really come back to bite you in the ass.

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