Sunday, 12 May 2013

Happy F*&king Mothers Day

Happy F#$king Mothers Day. Yeah, you heard me. Happy F#$king Mothers Day. I say that because I am finding that more and more mothers are ruining this day. This should be a day that we are celebrated and appreciated above others. Somehow, it has become the day that we complain more than any other. It's as if motherhood caught some women off guard. Did you think that growing another person in your torso would feel good? Did you think pushing it out your vagina would tickle? Were you under the impression that this newly formed fetus that now lives with you would come out knowing how to sleep, eat or respect you? Are you fucking nuts? Why are we surprised when a two year old acts like a two year old or a seven year old basically thinks we are assholes. Who told you that teaching another human addition or how to shit in a toilet would be simple? Why do you think, after being a teenager that living with one would be fun?

 Motherhood is hard....get over it. You don't get to bitch incessantly when the job that you signed up for is difficult. You and you constant moaning and whining at parties and self sacrificing facebook updates give the rest of us a bad name. Quit feeling sorry for yourself that you took the best job in the world and turned it into a death sentence.

Because it is. Motherhood is the best fucking job in the world. Why? Because it does suck sometimes that's why. Because if it wasn't hard, it wouldn't be worth having. Because you love your employers so much you want to literally flog anyone who even attempts to hurt their feelings. Because they love you so much that they hate you sometimes and yet still do what you say. Because you get to teach another human being how to walk and how to talk and how to open a pop can. Because you get to feed them anything you want to and take them anywhere your heart desires and they will follow you to the ends of the earth because you are their mother.

OWN THAT SHIT AND QUIT FUCKING COMPLAINING THAT IT IS HARD! NO ONE, NO ONE TOLD YOU IT WOULD BE EASY.

Let them spoil you today and be delighted in the hand made things that got pressed into your face this morning when you were supposed to be sleeping in. Read what they say to you because they mean it. This is your paycheck. This is your annual bonus. This is your appreciation luncheon with the department heads. Revel in your greatness, because you are great.

Tonight, we are going out for dinner because mommy doesn't like cooking on Mother's Day. We are going to the Phoenix Grill. I haven't blogged about the Phoenix before and I should have because they are solid. They have a big gluten free menu that includes everything from salads (my fave is the spinach) to tilapia (amazing with a side of quinoa) and BBQ ribs and the food is great. It always comes out fast and hot and I have never been poisoned there. They don't have a kids menu but they really make an effort to accommodate the spawn. The most notable thing about the Phoenix in my opinion is the service. We have never received poor service there, ever. The hostesses are amazing, the managers personable and the servers quirky, funny and knowledgeable. Outstanding people, really. Our fave server is a girl named Mel who remembers us every time we go. She is totally hilarious and knows enough to comment on my little girls nail polish. She's smart and knows her shit when it comes to the food and Celiacs.

So make it down to the Phoenix Grill for lunch or dinner. I'm sure they will be nice to you even if you don't have Celiacs or you are not a Mom.

From now until next mothers day, try really hard not to bitch so much. Especially try not to bitch so much on the internet because one day, your kids are going to read that. They might not get the impression that you thought they were worth it, because I certainly don't get that impression. We all have our moments when this job gets us down and that's when you have to go and get that card they handed you today and read it. Call your spouse or your best friend and talk about your hard day but the next time you have a good day, talk about that too.

 Understand that you took the toughest, best job in the world that you can not retire from. Try to love it more than you love complaining about it.

Happy F#$king Mothers Day

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