Sunday 7 September 2014

Halifax to the Max

We're here! We're here! We're here!

The Lyons family has arrived in Halifax. We are now Haligonians. That's actually what people who live in Halifax are called, I looked it up. So far, I am so in love with this place, I feel like it's one long first date where I don't have to shave my legs and I can fart. Haligonians fart, I looked it up.

If you are Canadian and haven't been to Halifax, it's like Vancouver and Ottawa had a baby and that baby decided not to be like their snooty, pretentious, egotistical, superior parents. Halifax is iconically beautiful but humble, just like me and Princess Caroline. If you aren't Canadian, I have nothing to compare it just have to come.

I haven't done too much shopping for GF food yet, the baby Daddy got here before us and loaded the kitchen shelves. He says that Superstore has all the same things that I like from the Calgary store (Udi's bread, Glutino pancake mix) and the prices seem the same (vomit inducingly high) so it looks like I'm not going to have too many problems there.

Restaurant wise, things seem okay here. They have several regular chain restaurants that we frequent at home and since we have only been here for a few days, I haven't had a chance to try everything. The first night we got here, the hubby, spawn and I headed downtown to explore. At first, my favorite thing to look at (other than the ocean) was the Citadel.  The Citadel is an old fort that was used to protect Canadian shores from whatever used to attack us before the world realized we are badasses. Not mentioning any names here, but Canada did burn down a certain pale cream colored house once, it was so pale in color that one might even call it a White House, if they wanted to be a jerk, which of course, I don't want to be. The last thing I am is provocative. As you well know. The Citadel is also white, but hasn't been burnt down by anyone, anywhere, just saying.

I digress, down the hill from the Citadel is The Five Fishermen where we promptly headed for some, you know it, lobster. If you don't like lobster, stop reading this and go get yourself a tongue transplant because you are broken. Nothing tastes as good as lobster and there is nothing so scrumptious as eating lobster twenty feet away from where it was caught. At The Five Fishermen, we were greeted by a lovely server with lots of Gluten Free knowledge and lots of love for the spawn. Thank God because I was getting tired of pretending to like them.

I decided against ordering an entire crustacean mainly because I hadn't slept properly in about five days and had so little energy, the lobster, even in it's dead-like state, would have bested me. I thought it was prudent to allow the fine chefs to take care of that for me. I ordered the Lobster Cobb.

Now, normally, when lobster is added to something, anything, like a hat or a craft project or a salad, it is itty bitty pieces that are hardly indistinguishable from the rest of the ingredients. "Is this a cucumber or a piece of lobster? Is that a button on your hat or a piece of lobster?" This is not the case at The Five Fishermen. I honestly thought that they had made some mistake or were giving me special treatment. That's why I didn't take a picture of it because I thought I should eat as much lobster as possible before they realized their mistake and I can't be responsible for something they can't prove is in my stomach (I learnt that the hard way in prison). It occurred to me  that they might have thought I was Sandra Bullock or Angelina Jolie (happens ALL the time) and had therefore, stepped up their lobster portion in the salad.

This was not so, the server (after falling backward in shock to discover that I was not Angelina Jolie) told me that no mistake had been made, this was how much lobster regular people get. There were actual full, claws in there, it was insanity. I devoured it. The boyfriend had the lobster roll because he likes to eat gluten right in front of me like a chump sometimes and he says it was amazing. I don't even know what the spawn had because The Five Fishermen has ten ounce wine pours so the kids could have been playing in traffic for all I remember. It's okay though, because people in Halifax are so kind, that they probably would have taken the kids home, bought them new clothes, taught them algebra and then returned them in back in time for dessert.

I live here now, at least for the next year and if the last four days are any reflection? Being a Haligonian is going to be the best thing that ever happened to me.

This is me at Peggy's Cove where the famous lighthouse is. My kid is taking the picture.

This is my face when he said, "Oh, did you want the lighthouse in the picture too?"  Please note that I am moving threateningly toward the camera.

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