Wednesday, 7 September 2011

Gluten and Craziness.... soulmates?



The problem is that many people don’t “get it” with Celiac, they don’t appreciate how big a deal it is and really they don’t care. I am not saying that the entire earth should be aware of my allergy and cater to me where ever I go. I would never be a pain in the ass like that. I often bring a cooler with my own food in it to parties thus avoiding putting the hostess out at all. It's bad enough that I have to deal with my Celiacs why they hell should everyone? I’m saying that when I tell you it’s a big deal, you should believe me because I am not fucking with you. The issue is that some people consider Celiac as a little made up. They would never admit it to me but they think it, I can see it in their eyes because remember, that I used to be that person.

When I tell someone that I have Celiac Disease, I can tell right away with some people that their opinion of me is forever altered. They do this head shake and nod thing causing them to look like a bobble head doll, its actually very entertaining. They do this, because on one hand they think I am full of shit and on the other they don’t want me to know that they think I am full of shit. They also do this over exaggerated eyebrow raise, which screams over compensation. Then they say something benign like “huh really, yikes.” This is someone who has never said the phrase 'yikes' in their life and yet chooses this moment to use the term. And with that random Beaver Cleaver-esque response, I know, I know they think I am a total and complete lunatic. Regardless of how they felt about me before, they think I am a little cracked now. They don’t want to offend me though so they don’t actually come out with it, they just do the eyebrow thing again and then we move on. But from that day forward, things have changed, and to that person, I am a little off my rocker.

No one challenges me outright, I think they know that would go poorly for them. No, these people just patronize me . They treat me like the guy on the train that you get stuck sitting next to who tells you that he just had lunch with Donald Trump and he was consulted by Prime Minister Harper about his security detail. And you smile and look interested and try to remember every single word he says so that you can relay it to your friends at a later date. This is how some people treat me. They believe that I THINK I have a disease but they don’t think I have the disease. Make sense? It’s not like they don’t like me anymore, they just think I am a faker, you know who you are, don’t lie.

Now, this mentality is (I think) the fault of one type of person and one type only; the classic, old school, crazy ass hypochondriac. For some ridiculous reason, being Celiac has how become the answer to all your problems. Depressed? Stop eating gluten and you will be happy! Fertility problems? Have no fear! Stop eating gluten and you will have a baby! Celiac is the new snake-oil and it is ready to rock. I am not shitting you people; this is content on the World Wide Web today. Be afraid, be very afraid. Here’s some more and what I think about it.

I see spots when I eat Gluten. – Go tell your eye doctor that, wait to see what they say, record their answer for me please, I would like to hear it.
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I have pain in one knee only, I limp when I eat gluten. – Stop running for three days, take a Tylenol and call me in the morning.

I have a fever, do I have Celiac? – Nope, you have a fever.

I am a self diagnosed Celiac but I can drink beer – then you are a self diagnosed nut case (and most likely an alcoholic)

I am having chest pains because of Gluten– call 911, you can eat an English muffin while you wait for the ambulance.

What types of bottled water are Gluten Free? – Umm all of them?

And my personal favorite...where can I find gluten free cat food? – I have no response

So don’t lump us all in together. I was a healthy, happy, well adjusted active human being prior to being diagnosed with Celiac Disease. After being diagnosed (by a medical professional I will have you know) I am still well adjusted and active. I am more healthy though which makes me more happy. If you think you have Celiac Disease, the ONLY course of action is to seek medical advice from a Doctor. If you are diagnosed, please know that the lack of Gluten will not fix your life in any way but to take away the symptoms associated with your Celiac's. For example as you can see from the above post, even without Gluten, I am still a little bit of a bitch.

So if you don't want to see crazy, don't treat me like I'm crazy. 

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