This post is not really about Celiac. It will also be short for reasons you are about to understand. In September, I had an incident where my vision went funny in my right eye, my right hand went numb and I was unable to speak for a few moments. I was pretty freaked out especially after I went to see my doctor and he freaked out. I was sent to a neurologist because they thought I had a warning stroke. It was terrifying. This was the same week that we were taking the kids to Disneyland (read previous posts). It was slightly funny that I had to call my travel insurance people and say things like,
"So, total hypothetical here, what if I was on the Dumbo ride and I have, say, gee, I don't know, a stroke? What then?" and listen to the instructions.
"And what if, and I am just pulling random ideas here, what if the night before we leave I, well, lets just stick to the same thing, I have a stroke? What then?"
The neurologist got me in the day before we left. He was not a pleasant fellow which made him seem even smarter. He actually looked a lot like one of those old guy Muppet's but without the cuddly cute factor. BUT he told me that I didn't have a stroke, I had a migraine. Well, he didn't really speak to me, he spoke to his resident, this mousy little child that was apparently a doctor. I thought she was going to throw up she was so nervous and she wasn't even finding out if she was a victim of a stroke!
He turned to little miss moppet and says, "Tell me why the patient (that's me) DID NOT have a stroke." and she actually whimpered in terror. I didn't care about the reasons, only that I didn't have one.
I found the migraine part odd because my head didn't even hurt that much, my neck did, but he said a migraine isn't a bad headache, it's a strange headache. Again, due to the lack of personality with which this info was given, I was more than happy to believe him.
So I bloody well skipped out of the hospital and headed off to Disneyland without a backward glance.
Well, it has happened again. I had the same thing happen on Thursday and it has been coming and going for three days now. With this round though, I have discovered that my cousin has the same type of migraines which is actually a little comforting. She told me what pain reliever she uses and it's GF Thank God. So that has helped a little.
I am still pissed off about the whole thing.
I have enough times that I have to take to bed and be an invalid with Celiacs, I don't need another reason with migraines. I don't want my kids memories of me when they grow up to be that "mom was always sick" or "mom was always in bed" that is the OPPOSITE memory I want for them. When they gently crawl into bed and whisper "Good night mommy, I love you. Feel better so we can play tomorrow." I want to die inside. They deserve better than that. They deserve better than I can give them right now.
I despise the attention I get when I am sick, I want to punch someone in the face if they pay too much attention to me, or if they try to boss me back to bed, namely Trev. I also hate it though when no one pays enough attention to me and I feel like no one understands that I am in pain. I feel like a bag of shit and would it kill you to have a little sympathy? But not too much sympathy because then I feel like an asshole. So, ya, balance the sympathy while trying to run the house with a C-U-Next-Tuesday living in it.
So basically I have been a raging bitch for the last few days and I have made it very difficult to be around me. It seems a little better today. I still woke up with images that my eyes must be bleeding and someone was driving a wooden stake down my neck. The screen is also making me want to vomit so I have to go.
I am sure this will pass, as all things do. If you don't hear from me for a bit, it's possible that Trev has smothered me in my sleep. I gotta be honest, I wouldn't blame him if he did. I would have killed me days ago.
That's why I am married to him, he doesn't murder me when I most deserve it.