Thursday 16 February 2012

No Fun...No fun at all!

I hate it when people say "the journey was like a roller coaster" to describe a passage of time and the sequence of good and bad events therein. I never understood that because a roller coaster is super fun! Like really, one of the funnest things ever! ESPECIALLY when it is going down. That's the best fucking part, you are screaming with glee, your butt is rumbling, a small voice in the back of your head tries to convince you that you might die but you don't care. Even the next hill climb up is exciting and fun - you sniff up all the bugs that hit your face, you wipe the happy tears from your eyes and you giggle with anticipation.


So therefore, my experience with Gluten Free baking has NOT been like a roller coaster - it has been like the behaviours of a fucked up relationship. Its like GF baking and I are on Teen Mom 2. I love it one minute and it feels like everything clicks and then the next minute, I am sending it angry texts, demanding child support and crying my mascara off when it dates my best friend.

 I feel like I love GF baking but that it is toxic for me.

I tried to make another loaf of bread. The thing with GF baking is that there is no room for errors. There is no wiggle room - for me anyway. If you make the SMALLEST mistake, you're done, throw it in the garbage...its over. I made the Cheese Bread from the Gems of Gluten Free Baking and followed everything directly, until something shiny came along. I just had to let the bread rise for 20 min in a draft free place and I got distracted. I didn't get distracted by anything exciting, oh no, its not like the Muppet's were on. Its not like I had an emergency either, no fire, no hurricane, no Brad Pitt showing up naked. I don't even know what was so important as to make me ruin my bread, I don't even know so I am not going to lie.

Look at the piece of shit I made...............

It's embarrassing. I let it over rise and there was no going back. I cleaned it up and tried to bake it but it was for nothing. It went into the garbage with my pride. You may think that I just suck at baking, not so. I am very good at glutened baking, quite talented really. And maybe I should give up, but I doubt I will. After all, I am a GLUTEN for punishment...get it? Huh? Huh? Get it? See what I did there? Pretty funny riiiiight? No, I won't give up, I'll try again and hopefully it won't suck again.

But in no way, is this like a roller coaster - it's like my baby daddy is making me feel cheap, sad and dirty deep down inside.....and I like it.


  1. We've been a gluten free house for almost 6yrs now. Bread was infuriating! With the Calgary weather changing every 5 min my bread had no hope. A baker I am not. Then we found a Cuisinart bread machine that has a gluten free program. I haven't had any issues with the loaves. My favorite bread book of recipes is The Gluten-Free Gourmet bakes bread by Bette Hagman.
    I also use Pamela's bread mix on occasion.

  2. Hi Michelle,
    I am so jealous! A GF bread machine is on my wish list! Thanks for reading.Laurie