Brace yourself for some shameless overindulged vanity people. I am so happy about this that if I could afford it, I would be carried around in Madonna’s half-time show golden throne. I have danced around, shook my ass, giggled in glee and done fist bumps with no one looking like a total fucking loser. I fully expect the SAME reaction from you reader because….
I HAVE SUCCEEDED IN BAKING SOMETHING GLUTEN FREE FROM SCRATCH
I need you to sit in this honey covered moment with me. I have WON against gluten today. Go ahead, yell “YES!” and jump up and down….I’ll wait. Are you back? Good stuff.
So every weekend, I try to bake something GF from scratch. It usually doesn’t go so well. The items usually come out of the oven looking like a dogs breakfast and Trev says,
“I’m sure it will taste fine. Just because it looks horrible doesn’t mean it will taste horrible.”
Then becuase he loves me, he eats it, slowly, painfully and with his mouth full and his eye twitching, he says, “Hmmm, yummy.” And then I sigh – epic failure. Before I throw it in the garbage we try to get the spawn to eat it. They are savvy my monkeys and usually won’t fall for it. Sometimes though, they do get suckered because children are, by nature, trusting little creatures. They take a bite and then glare at us with hate as Trev and I giggle at the misfortune of their taste buds.
The last couple of weeks I have been trying out recipes from the “Gems of Gluten Free Baking” I got from that cooking class. And FINALLY today I had some SERIOUS success!
To start off, I need to mention how things have changed in our home since I have been diagnosed Celiac. One change is the new and sometimes strange items in my pantry needed for these extensive baking days.
Me - rifling through the packed pantry: “Babe, have you seen my guar gum?”
Husband - trying to watch Superbowl: “What kind of gun?”
Me: “Gun? What the fuck are you talking about? When have I ever asked for a gun?”
Husband - giving up on game. : “Hence my confusion.”
Me - hands on hips: “I don’t need a guar GUN, I need the guar GUM.”
Husband - one eyebrow raised: “That makes even less sense.”
Me: “Now I need a gun.”
Husband - walking away chuckling: “Well I’m not going to buy you one with that attitude.”
I made two things - Best Ever Cookies and The Cornmeal Muffins and both were totally edible and even the spawn couldn’t tell that they were GF and we know how skeptical they can be.
The Gem cookbook features a Gem Flour mix, a combination of flours that you can mix and match to make the flavor you want. My Gem Flour mix is Brown Rice Flour, Buckwheat Flour and Chickpea Flour. The Best Ever cookies turned out the best. I added some chocolate chips because you always have to add chocolate chips and they were AWESOME!
The Cookie Batter. It was a fairly simple batter. After this you have to mix it until it shows "stiffness" *insert childish giggle here*
The cookies on the trays - ready to go. I know, they look a little like poop but they look edible afterwards.
I always use an ice cream scoop to measure out muffin batter. Works perfectly - spray it with Pam first though.
The Muffins all done!
The cookies all done and waiting for me to yell at someone to not ruin their dinner!
Now I have edible goodies for the week. Oh I am so proud of myself. I am really glad I stuck with it and kept trying. Not to say that it is going to be smooth sailing from here on in….I have no intention of trying Angel Food Cake because it would be humiliating. At least though, there is proof, I am not a GF baking moron. It IS do-able and I am going to keep doing it.
AND I am going to get my grubby hands on Madonna’s Superbowl throne….what else is she gonna do with it? Someone might as well sing in it.